can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
