from now on my penis is your penis
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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