I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
we made out on top of his cat.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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