From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I would fuck him just for his dog
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
