I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
