i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
