Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
