EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
