Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
