we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
