i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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