Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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