If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
