I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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