He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
