I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
