How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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