I saw his package. It spoke to me.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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