he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
