she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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