Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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