I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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