I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
We left the knife in your bed.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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