I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
