Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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