You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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