They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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