He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
