They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
