she woke up with a sticky ear
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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