you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
