If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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