Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Randomize
