You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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