Got a toothbrush?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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