so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
How's work?
Spinning.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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