Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
