I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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