The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
