I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
