There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
