yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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