The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
