If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
