Please don't use social media to get back at me.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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