you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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