I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I love you. Go after that dick
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
