24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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