I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
