I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
