I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
