Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
40s are totally the cure
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
